So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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