sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
