he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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