so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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