I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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