Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
