He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
