Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
