So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
