well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
