it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
