dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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