dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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