What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
