If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
