Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
