You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
