been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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