Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
