just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
