Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
