whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
