Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
