This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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