Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
