Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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