Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
