if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
