I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
