dude i'm inner monologue high
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
