never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
