just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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