I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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