then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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