its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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