I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
