dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
