she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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