I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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