Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
