If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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