Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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