Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
