The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
