i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
