is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
