Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
