So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
