dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Found the puke drawer
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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