It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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