i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
40s are totally the cure
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
