I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
