we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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