eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
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They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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