Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
