dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
