Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
