I think im going to throw up on grandma
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
