a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
