Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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