She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This house was built for laser tag.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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