I got her a Nickelback box set.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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