the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
