So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
