explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
