He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
there is glitter all over my balls
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