if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
