Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
