I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
