I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
