So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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