Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
