I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
